Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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