Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...