all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
