im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?