I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
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He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?