I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Randomize
