Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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