you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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