o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
