this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
