Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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