I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
