One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
