Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
