The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
