There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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