pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
