dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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