Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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