I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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