Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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