Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
