dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
