my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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