Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize