whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
