Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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