Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
false alarm. still invincible.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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