Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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