Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
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nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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