two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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