He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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