Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
