I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
