garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize
