Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
