just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
