Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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