She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
