I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
