Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
