We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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