I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
