I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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