Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
