I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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