You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
