I heard we made out
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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