And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
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Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
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I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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