I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
