I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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