Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
