and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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