this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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