Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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