somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
