We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
be right there i have to get my cape
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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