Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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