Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
