We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
