remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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