Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
