whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
