the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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