How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i already hear my dad disowning me
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
