If i could tip my vagina, i would.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
