i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
