hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
