i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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