i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
