I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
