it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
