woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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