You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
