come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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