Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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