you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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