The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
