I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just forgot I was standing up.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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