my sisters under your porch take her home
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.