I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part