remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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