So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death