I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
