Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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