sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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