just tell him i said nine months
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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