My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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