the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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