Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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