Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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