I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
