The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
