i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
