I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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