scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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