I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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